In my term as a senior Teacher of deen , at times I find myself in the midst of Islah sessions. There are un avoidable sessions which need special and a mature attention and approach. Our youth really need some professional- Socio- Deeniyat counseling in order to avoid certain pitfalls in their campus life. Islamic counseling is nothing but a session of Islah where you correct your fellow Muslims. Islamic counseling is not only a question and answer session but it has to be beautified with affection, care and a lot of charming sabr.
Few months back I was travelling by a train in the early dark hours of Winter. I boarded down from the train at Bandra and spotted a couple, A Muslim girl in hijab with niqab standing close to a young man and giggling. Trains passed by every three minutes and thousands of people could see this couple. The identity of the boy was not known but the girl could be identified. A Muslim girl from a religious background. I decided to talk to the couple. " Assalamualaikum" They turned around with a shock and saw me smiling at them. With a hesitation the boy replied," walaykumussalam" I didn't display anger. If you are angry then you may not be able to solve a problem or cannot put across your point. " May I have a word with you two?" I requested. I did not wait for their approval and put my hands on the shoulders of the boy and smiled at him.
I continued ," Look.. what you two are doing is seen and discussed by thousands of people in every three minutes" This is what they will be thinking, " Ah! look at this Muslim girl ! She wears a burkha claiming to protect her modesty but see here she are using the burkha to deceive her parents..." The couple was taken aback. I added " I understand that both of you like each other, right? So let us do one thing, take me to your parents now, and I will speak to them about your marriage today itself.." This put them in a tight spot. Mine was a disciplined protest. No chance of them getting angry or resisting. Here is somebody who is senior and polite and his arguments couldn't be resisted. So they politely refused and passed away never to be seen there.
Few days back I received a letter from a young sister. Only 15! She was learning deen from a boy five years older to her on facebook inbox! Her Islamic lessons began when she was only 12 ! The boy proposed her and she was happy innocently, but realized that her parents may not approve of the relations because of her young age. Yet she continued and got attached. These attachments are emotionally very provocative. They stick to your heart and refuse to leave nor let you live. Breaking such a bond is like plucking out your heart or eyes or nails.. perhaps more painful than it.
Later the parents found out, and now this little girl is not allowed to go to school out of fear that she may be corrupted because of co education .So she continues her studies via homeschooling Yet....The affair continued on internet. Later, after three years, the boy backed out writing an Islamic letter to the girl appealing her to forget him as it was haram for them to discuss. The girl went into little depression. " He was a good boy, a practicing Muslim." She wrote. I argued, " He knew deen yet he pursued you and talked to a namahram of only 12 years? Is that religious?" In fact the boy deserted her upon seeing her picture, this time citing Islam as a reason for the breakoff. What an excuse !
The two cases up teach us many lessons. Let us see a few:
- The biggest threat to the modesty of a hijabi girl is not from rowdy eve teasers but from the decent boys who cut paste Islamic teachings from here and there and appear to be knowledgeable and take up private tuition for girls
- In a break off, it is the girl who is the biggest looser. She suffers from a terrible loneliness and heart ache. The biggest obligation of Allah upon females is that he prohibited them from even going closer to adultery or fornication. Allah only knows how painful is it for a woman to come out of a failed affair. So he protected them.
- Many parents are in a self deception mode thinking that " because their daughter wear hijab so she is safe even in a college with boys!"
- Cyber lanes are more dangerous than the co education campus. It offers a terrible seclusion that gears up the courage of boys and girls to be extra frank.
- There are two types of sins " Ism" and "Udwan" Ism means a sin . It can be committed secretly. Udwan is like a sin commited openly like a rebellion, not bothered about what people will think or say and it can instigate or invite others too to commit sins. Both are equally dangerous for the akhera of people. We saw both the cases above and realized that how it hurts the modesty of a girl..
Author: Nisaar Nadiadwala. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com
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