Guarding Modesty..

Famous Moghul  Aurangzeb's young daughter fell sick and it was severe. The Royal Hakeem was called for and he asked the princess to show her palms so that he can examine the pulse beats. The young girl refused.She was too modest and shy to show her palm to a Non Mahram.One of my friend's daughter is only 7 but whenever the door bell rings, she rushes to her bedroom and comes out with a scarf. Whenever Moulana Abul Kalam Azad's wife was alone she never picked up the phone no matter how long it rang. She avoided to talk to Non Mahram. Islamic directory is full of the names of such women who have carried the banner of modesty through out their lives.

  But on the other hand we have immodesty creeping in our lives un resisted. Our moral walls are proving to be too weak to halt the invasion of obscenity.Many of us don't even realize the presence of obscenity around them .  Let me explain you with an example. If you happen to visit a fish market you will get irritated by its smell. But if you continue staying there then your nose will have no problem. The reason? Your nose get habituated with the smell so it wont pinch you. In the same manner if some one visits an obscene channel or watches dirty movie for the first time he will feel ashamed and upset. It is human to feel the shame. But once he is regular, his moral is like that nose which has adjusted with the smell of fish. He doesn't feel irritated nor upset upon watching love scenes in  movies, TV serials, comedy, songs , fashion shows along with the whole family  in front of a plasma TV.  The reason is simple.  He is habituated with immodesty. Those who feel bad  they just give  an excuse of being helpless.

  Salman Farsi r.a. said : It is a big act of immodesty to peep into some one's bedroom to enjoy someone's private moments with his spouse. What Salman Farsi said 1400 years ago holds true even today.That reminds me a thought provoking hadith that can be fitted into today's' time . A man said to the Messenger of Allah : There is a hold in your wall and I peeped through it to see my beloved Prophet. The Prophet (pbuh) got disturbed. He replied: Had I knew that you were peeping in my house I would have hit your eyes with a sharp object. ..

      But today people peep in the bedrooms of others. They entertain themselves when two Non Mahram make love before the cameras and audience. Other people's bedroom acts are now open for public. They are cheered as Super Stars.  No movie can catch audience if there are no love scenes. No song can be hit unless it has a love scene.Love scenes are getting more vulgar but they are  welcomed and served as  BOLD SCENES.VULGARITY  is renamed as BOLD .It is a cut throat competition in the world of vulgarity.

Another sahih hadith says : A dayyus will not even smell the fragrance of  Paradise, whereas the fragrance of paradise is smelt from a distance of 500years travel ! Dayyus? A person who acts as an agent for his women ( wife, daughter, sister ) to do vulgarity... In today's context the term 'Dayyus" can be broadened in its meaning. It can include those fathers  and brothers and husbands who buy TV sets in their homes and make facilities for their wives, daugthers and sisters to peep in the bedroom of other people, while sitting in the company of family. It can include those grooms who stand before the visitors in their own wedding reception introducing their wives to all the Non Mahram guests turn by turn.

  Every body knows the famous hadith : al haya minal Emaan. Haya is from Emaan.... So if Haya departs even the  faith is in danger.. it may follow faith while we remain Abdullahs, and Maryams  in the list of Governments thinking ourselves to be a candidate of Paradise. 

When sins are performed in congregations it is the time for the punishment of Allah to descend.

    Author Nisaar Nadiadwala can be responded at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

Decorated Deceptions : Hollywood ,Bollywood, Lollywood, Tollywood……

 Consider this : A bat man jumping from hundredth floor and getting up unscratched, Superman flying in the sky faster than a plane. Tom and Jerry are run over by a heavy roller and they get up unhurt, Micky mouse dressed up for a party and smelling excellent. Now compare them with a young healthy man who falls from just third floor and dies of injury, the fastest runner in the Olympics panting after 100 meters and that irritating dirty mouse squeaking in your bedroom.

  The products coming out from the minds of writers and directors are displayed as superior quality product than the man made by the Creator.  These Supermen, Batmans, Micky mouses, are ‘decorated scripts’ inspired by men and Shaytan to deceive, says the 112 verse of Surah al- An’am. The Arabic term is “ Zukhrufal Qoulo goorora ”  “Decorated scripts of deceptions”

  Then Allah cautions the Believers in the very next verse, “The hearts of those who have no faith in the hereafter, are inclined towards (such stories) and let them delight ( get entertained ) from it and let them earn ( haram )..”

   The introspective question is : Do you have faith? Do you incline towards such decorated scripts? Well, the above verse says both the things are not possible to be together. . If you have faith you shouldn’t be inclined towards such stories nor get delighted by them nor earn from it. Otherwise your faith is in danger. Most of us who are fond of movies fall in either of the three categories.

  The message then reaches verse no. 116 and declares “ If you follow the common run of those on earth, they will lead you away from the way of Allah. THEY FOLLOW NOTHING BUT CONJECTURES, they do nothing but lie…

   If you read the above verse again : movies, animated entertainment and cartoons are followed commonly. These imaginable characters are conjectures they are falsehood. Yet people take them as stars. This attitude  can lead you away from Jannah. You may be still Abdul and Ayesha in the list of your Government but in the list of Allah?

  The business of this Decorated scripts and conjectures is :  Hollywood is a, 88, billion dollar industry, Bollywood is a 3.3  billion dollar Industry a year

  Proceed further to verse 151 of the same Surah where a list of forbidden acts is put forth. These are called “Kabair” sins. Big sins. .. One such phrase is “ wala taqrabool fahisha… do not go close to immodesty, whether open or secret. The term used here is Fahisha. It means any  form of immodesty. So everything that leads to immodesty is haram. No second opinion required.

   Consider this : Will you ever keep your bedroom windows open for people to see what you do with your spouses in private moments? Will you like to peep into the windows of others ?  No! But people are peeping together while watching movies.

   So we are reading the verses and studying it. Right? Or are we just passing by the verses and just reading ? If we fall into haram after reading and understanding it then we are passing by the signs of Allah. No protection from Shaytan guaranteed, says verse no. 175 of Surah al Ar’af. Relate to them the story of the man to whom we sent our signs , but he passed them by , so shaytan followed him up and he went astray.   It means even you pray regularly, and recite Qur’an but if you just pass by those verses then you are gone…..

   The next verse says “ he chose to incline to the earth and followed his vain desires..” This ayat is simple to understand. ‘Inclining to earth’ means bartering your akhera with worldly goods and ‘vain desires’. Movies and TV programs incite our desires which lead us to vanity and vanity leads  away from  the path of Allah… May Allah protect us..

   Author Nisaar Nadiadwala can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

HOW TO COME OVER A PORN ADDICTION IN ISLAMIC AND SCIENTIFIC WAY:

Time to Kick Porn Addiction Out of your System: 
• Physiology of porn addiction & why it's so hard to quit
• Porn addicts: you are not losers & you CAN quit
• The Ramadan connection
• Simple changes towards a new life
Some of you may be thinking, “Astaghfirullah, how can someone even think of doing this “.First say alḥamdulillāh, and thank Allāh that He, Al-Rahman, has protected you from this great fitnah. Next pray to Allāh that He keeps you away from the dark forces of sexual addictions of all types, from porn to zina, naudhubillah.


Effects of Porn
Although destructive in many ways, the deteriorating impact porn addiction has on intimacy between spouses, tops the list. There is developing research that “pornography was progressively desensitizing these men sexually… that they quickly required higher levels of stimulation to achieve the same level of arousal”. The sad reality is that your wife/husband becomes progressively insufficient to satisfy your sexual desires.
For those addiction-afflicted as well as those who aren't, take heed of the dangers of porn addiction. Like alcohol and drug addiction, porn addiction cannot simply be shut off. Rather, one must undergo a rigorous process requiring time and effort, and this process cannot start unless one understands why this addiction is so strong. Porn addiction is one sub-category of sexual addictions, likely the lightest in terms of haram- but equally destructive and almost certainly leading to worse if not nipped in the bud. That is why Allāh has instructed us to not even “approach zina” [Quran 17.32], because with porn as an entry-way, it becomes almost impossible to stop one's path to zina.

Why is it an Addiction?
Research has shown that porn addiction is a “chemical addiction“, having an effect on the brain that is very similar to drugs. It has even been called the new crack cocaine in this Wired article. Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Cognitive Therapy, calls porn the “most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today.”
First let's see how drugs work so we may see how analogous it is to porn addiction. The National Institute of Drug Abuse reports: “Most drugs of abuse directly or indirectly target the brain's reward system by flooding the circuit with dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter present in regions of the brain that regulate movement, emotion, cognition, motivation, and feelings of pleasure. The overstimulation of this system, which rewards our natural behaviors, produces the euphoric effects sought by people who abuse drugs and teaches them to repeat the behavior.”
Porn addiction works similarly: “During the sexual process, the brain begins narrowing its focus as it releases a tidal wave of endorphins and other neurochemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and serotonin. These “natural drugs” produce a tremendous rush or high. When these chemicals are released during healthy marital intimacy we refer to them as “the fabulous four” because of the myriad positive benefits they generate between a husband and wife. When they are released during pornography use and other sexual addiction behaviors, we call them “the fearsome four” due to the severe addiction and many negative consequences they produce in the brain and nervous system.” [Read more in this informative article]

Overcoming Addiction
We know that drug addicts can get over their addiction. We know that alcoholics have been able to do the same.
So, if you are a porn addict, know this:
(1) you are not alone
(2) you are not a loser or an evil person
(3) you CAN kick this habit but only with a huge amount of jihad'l-nafs (the struggle of the soul).

For spouses, family, friends, and supporters, know that:
(1) It is important that you “recognize” the addiction and become partners towards a cure rather than continually debasing and disparaging the addict. Debasement only makes the addict feel worse and increases the desire to seek pleasure from endorphins through porn.
(2) Porn addiction is destructive not only for the addict, but also for the spouse. As we saw in my previous post on porn addiction, it has the ability to destroy marriages. That is why it is not to be taken lightly. I urge spouses of addicts to please also be a “partner in solution” rather than a police officer. You cannot hammer the addiction out of your spouse. Learn about its physiological and psychological aspects, and HELP in the recovery. If you love your spouse, you will give it your very best shot.

The Ramadan Connection


The psychologist linked above, Joe Zychik, mentions two requirements for overcoming sexual addictions– effective motivation and a reliable method.
Ramadan is a time where we are instructed to fast. Fasting has been described by the Prophet (salallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) as one of the ways to control sexual desire:

Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) (Allāh be pleased with him) reported that Allāh's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: “O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford it should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.”


During regular days, it may be tough to observe this instruction, but Ramadan is a month where you are surrounded with “effective motivation” to fast. The last thing you want to do is go through the motions of fasting yet breaking it by engaging in your addiction. Use this opportunity to make some strong moves towards a “reliable method“.

Partner Up


Connect with a close friend, family member, or spouse–someone you can trust. Let's call this person your “partner”. Have your partner install a strong porn filter/activity monitor on your computer. Let him/her control the password and make this partner promise that they will not give it to you regardless of how much you ask for it. If it helps, make them swear by Allāh. In some cultures, putting your hand on the Quran reinforces this promise.

Make Structural Changes


Replace your SmartPhone- If you watch porn on your phone, get rid of it! Replace it with a non-internet-capable “cheap mobile”. Either you can have a nice toy or you can save yourself from porn.
Change your computer- If you watch it on your laptop, consider buying a desktop instead that stays in an open area where you wouldn't want to be caught watching porn.
Turn off your TV- if u have any porn videos or DVDs, destroy them now, before you lose your spirit.

Reliable Methods


Self-Talk- Talk to yourself and your partner about your addiction. Consider this: If you are able to control yourself during fasting, why can't you control yourself during the nights of Ramadan, nights that are the holiest nights of the entire year? And if you are able to control yourself for the entire Ramadan, is the Allāh of Ramadan not the same Allāh of the rest of the months, Who watches your every move?


Make constant dua- Ask Him, Al-Tawwab, to pardon your sins, and grant you barakah in your efforts and time to help you overcome this trial. Recognize that you are in this trial only by the will of Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla), and by His will and mercy, He will lift you from this trial after you rise from it, a stronger believer. Use the nights of this most blessed months, and the moments before you break your fast to humbly ask Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) for help.


Moisten your tongue with duas such as this one:
اللهم اني ظلمت نفسي ظلما كثيرا ولا يغفر الذنوب الا انت فاغفرلي مغفرة من عندك, وارحمني انك انت الغفور الرحيم
'Alla-humma innee thalamtu nafsee thulman kathee-ra wala yaghfiru thunouba ila anta, faghfirlee maghfiratan min 'indika, warr hamnee innaka antal Ghafoor-ur Raheem.'
[O Allāh! I have wronged myself very much, and none can forgive sins, except You only. Grant me forgiveness, and have mercy upon me; indeed You are the Most Forgiving, Ever Merciful.] (Bukhāri)

Read Self Help Books- Beyond the self-talk, you need to continue the journey on a “reliable method”. Your best bet is to get books on breaking sex addiction. Do it NOW before you lose your motivation to read them! It is more important for you to read these books in Ramadan than to spend time on entertaining guests or even tarawih (stopping haram is more important than an optional, mustahab).


Get Counseling- If you have access and ability to engage with a psychologist, this is the time to put that in motion. Call one and set up an appointment. Make sure this psychologist is a specialist in the area of addictions, especially sex addiction.
In other words, start doing whatever it takes during these Ramadan days of high spiritual motivation to set into motion something that will keep you porn free in the LONG RUN, as opposed to perhaps controlling it only in Ramadan.

The Biggest Threats to Modesty..

In my term as a senior Teacher of deen , at  times I find myself in the midst of Islah sessions. There are un avoidable sessions which need special and a mature attention and approach.  Our youth really need some professional- Socio- Deeniyat counseling in order to avoid certain pitfalls in their campus life. Islamic counseling is nothing but a session of Islah where you correct your fellow Muslims. Islamic counseling is not only a question and answer session but it has to be beautified with affection, care and a lot of charming sabr.

Few months back  I was travelling by a  train in the early dark hours of Winter. I boarded down from the train at Bandra and spotted a couple, A Muslim girl in hijab with niqab standing close to a young man and giggling. Trains passed by every three minutes and thousands of people could see this couple. The identity of the boy was not known but the girl could be identified. A Muslim girl from a religious background. I decided to talk to the couple. " Assalamualaikum"  They turned around with a shock and saw me smiling at them. With a hesitation the boy replied," walaykumussalam" I didn't display anger. If you are angry then you may not be able to solve a problem or cannot put across your point. " May I have a word with you two?" I requested.  I did not wait for their approval and put my hands on the shoulders of the boy and smiled at him.

   I continued ," Look.. what you two are doing is seen and discussed by thousands of people in every three minutes" This is what they will be thinking, " Ah! look at this Muslim girl ! She wears a  burkha claiming to protect her modesty but see here she are using the burkha to deceive her  parents..." The couple was taken aback. I added " I understand that both of you like each other, right? So let us do one thing, take me to your parents now, and I will speak to them about your marriage today itself.." This put them in a tight spot. Mine was a disciplined protest. No chance of them getting angry or resisting. Here is somebody who is senior and polite and his arguments couldn't be resisted. So they politely refused and passed away never to be seen there.

  Few days back I received a letter from a young sister. Only 15! She was learning deen from a boy five years older to her on facebook inbox! Her Islamic lessons began when she was only 12 !  The boy proposed her and she was happy innocently, but realized that her parents may not approve of the relations because of her young age. Yet she continued and got attached. These attachments are emotionally very provocative. They stick to your heart and refuse to leave nor let you live. Breaking such a bond is like plucking out your heart or eyes or nails.. perhaps more painful than it. 

     Later the parents found out,  and now this little girl is not allowed to go to school out of fear that she may be corrupted  because of co education .So she continues her studies via homeschooling Yet....The affair continued on internet. Later, after three years, the boy backed out writing an Islamic letter to the girl appealing her to forget him as it was haram for them to discuss. The girl went into little depression. " He was a good boy, a practicing Muslim." She wrote.  I argued, " He knew deen yet he pursued you and talked to a namahram of only 12 years? Is that religious?" In fact the boy deserted her upon seeing her picture, this time citing Islam as a reason for the breakoff. What an excuse !

  The two cases up teach us many lessons. Let us see a few:  

• The biggest threat to the modesty of a hijabi girl is not from rowdy eve teasers but from the decent boys who cut paste Islamic teachings from here and there and appear to be  knowledgeable and take up private tuition for girls
• In a break off, it is the girl who is the biggest looser. She suffers from a terrible loneliness and heart ache. The biggest obligation of Allah upon females is that he prohibited them from even  going closer to adultery or fornication. Allah only knows how painful is it for a woman to come out of a failed affair. So he protected them.
• Many parents are in a self deception mode thinking that " because their daughter wear hijab so she is safe even in a college with boys!"
• Cyber lanes are more dangerous than the co education campus. It offers a terrible seclusion that gears up the courage of boys and girls to be extra frank. 
• There are two types of sins " Ism" and "Udwan" Ism means a sin . It can be committed secretly. Udwan is like a sin commited openly like a rebellion, not bothered about what people will think or say and it can instigate or invite others too to commit sins.  Both are equally dangerous for the akhera of people. We saw both the cases above and realized that how it hurts the modesty of a girl..
  
   Author: Nisaar Nadiadwala. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com 

Advice for one who suffers from premature ejaculation

Advice for one who suffers from premature ejaculation even though he is using a special du‘aa’

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly: 

We do not know how you can suffer from premature ejaculation when you are not married! Such a thing only becomes apparent after getting married, so how can you be suffering from it?

What appears to us to be the case is that, if this is not something imaginary that is not really happening, you may have come to know about it from practising the secret habit! If that is the case, you should realise that you have to hasten to stop doing it, for it has many harmful effects, one of which is that it causes premature ejaculation merely as a result of the penis touching something provocative.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It is medically proven that masturbation leads to a number of diseases. For example, it weakens the eyesight and reduces sharpness of vision to a great extent. It also weakens the penis so that it becomes partially or completely flaccid, in such a way that the one who does that becomes more like a woman because he loses the most important characteristic of manhood with which Allah has favoured men over women. Thus he is unable to get married and if it so happens that he does get married, he is not able to perform his marital function in the manner required, so it is inevitable that his wife will look at other men, because he is not able to keep her chaste. And that has negative consequences as is quite obvious.

It also leads to nervous weakness in general as a result of the exhaustion that results from doing that action. And it leads to problems in the digestive system, leading to poor digestion. It also leads to stunted growth, especially in the penis and testicles, which do not grow to their full natural size. And it leads to infection in the testicles, so that the individual develops the problem of premature ejaculation, as he ejaculates if something merely brushes against his penis.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/122, 123

You should not be anxious about this matter. As we have told you, if the cause is doing the secret habit, there is the hope that when you give it up, Allah will make things easy for you and this symptom will no longer be present after you get married. If it does continue after marriage, then you are advised not to go ahead with penetration until you have engaged in foreplay and pleasure with your wife, and aroused her, so that when she reaches climax, you can penetrate after that, so as to keep yourself and her chaste. But do not overdo it either with regard to foreplay, because that may be one of the causes of premature ejaculation.

If that does not work, then you can consult a specialist doctor who can tell you about medicines to delay ejaculation. Perhaps when you get used to sex, especially after the initial period, this problem will go away without any need for medicine. It is well known that the one who has been unmarried for a long time will have intercourse many times a day when he first gets married and he may ejaculate quickly, but it will not be long before things settle down.

There are da‘eef hadeeths which suggest that it is mustahabb for the husband to engage in foreplay with his wife before penetration, and warn against satisfying his desire without making sure that she is also satisfied. Although the isnaads are da‘eef, the meaning is acceptable and they offer good advice in that regard.

Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure from intercourse as he does. It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Do not have intercourse with her until she is aroused as you are, lest you finish before she finishes.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me? He said: “Yes; you should kiss her and touch her, until you see that she is aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her.”

If he reaches climax before she does, it is not right for him to withdraw until she reaches climax, because of the report narrated by Anas ibn Maalik who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her. Then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should not withdraw from her until she has fulfilled her desire.” And because that may be harmful to her and prevent her from fulfilling her desire.

Al-Mughni, 8/136

Both hadeeths are da‘eef (weak), but they are correct in meaning, as we stated above.

Al-Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her” i.e., let him have intercourse with her energetically and vigorously, doing it properly and with love and sincerity towards her. This is what is recommended.

“If he finishes before her” i.e., if he reaches climax first and she is still aroused.

“He should not withdraw from her” i.e., before she reaches climax and fulfils her desire; rather he should give her time so that she could fulfil her desire as he fulfilled his desire. So he should not move away from her until he is certain that she has fulfilled her desire, because that is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and being considerate towards her.

From this hadeeth and others we learn that if the man is quick to reach climax, such that he cannot give his wife time to reach climax, it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will delay ejaculation, because this is a means of doing something recommended, and means come under the same ruling as ends.

Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325

Secondly:

With regard to the du‘aa’s that you are reciting as a remedy, what is sound of that is what is proven to be sound in the saheeh Sunnah. Anything other than that it is permissible to use, but on condition that you do not make it a regular wird as one may do with the dhikrs narrated from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). With regard to your reciting the verses “And We send down from the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy…” [al-Isra’ 17:82] and “And when I am ill, it is He who cures me” [ash-Shu ‘ara’ 26:80], there is nothing wrong with that, although it would be better to treat yourself by reciting that which is narrated from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and to treat yourself with ruqyah as narrated from him.



With regard to placing your hand over the private part or touching it whilst reciting the ruqyah and the Qur’anic verses it contains, we do not think that you should do that; we are afraid that using the Qur’an in this manner may be disrespectful. Moreover, the problem that you mention is not an obvious sickness such that you could do that when treating it with ruqyah. Even if it is a sickness, the sickness is not in the private part, as you think and because of that you have been using the ruqyah that you mention. Rather it is, as is proven, a problem that is rooted in your nervous system that cannot control ejaculation in the normal manner.

To sum up, we do not advise you to delay marriage in order to solve this problem; the real situation will not become clear until after you get married. Perhaps it is imaginary or an excess of desire, because you are unmarried, and it will soon disappear after you get married. If it so happens that the problem remains, then you can use some appropriate medical treatment after consulting a specialist.

And Allah knows best.